Some days are so easy. I can wake up and just feel the potential of the next several hours. Whatever I decide to wear is entirely flattering, my breakfast is exactly what I want, I somehow make the 10 minute walk to the station in 7 minutes without breaking a sweat, and the papers practically write themselves. Housework is done in record time, I make the guys laugh, I solidly connect with the people that I love. I glide effortlessly through space and time and trials, like an Olympic swimmer or an extra-graceful swan or some other aquatic metaphor.
Dolphin? I like dolphins.
Yes, some days are so easy that they seem perfect and they make me feel like I am on top of everything. I'm capable! I am completely able to handle life in general.
And then there was today. Which was the exact opposite of all of those things.
Today was the sort of day where I woke up and immediately realized that it was a bad choice. Where everything in my closet fit weird, and nothing sounded appetizing for breakfast, and I spent a couple of hours simply trying to convince myself that I was going to have to deal with the day so I might as well attempt doing something. Then all the somethings I did were just a little off... this thing was broken, that thing was missing, that thing isn't going to work out like I'd like, this one-paragraph discussion was a two-hour struggle, and I accidentally re-learned that ovens are hot when they are turned on.
My loved ones seemed very far away, even the ones that were in the room with me or in constant contact via text or the internet. I was not making anyone laugh, because I was tired and grumpy and had a second-degree burn on my knuckle. There was no effortless gliding! Instead it was more like trying to play QWOP.
I did not feel capable or reasonable or like I should be trusted to be an adult.
But you know what? I made it. I mean, I didn't have any great breakthroughs or strokes of brilliance. My sink is full of dishes and my pool table is covered in clean laundry. My dog is kind of annoyed that I didn't want to run around with her much and my stairwell goes on being half-painted. My to-do list only got larger. Still, I'm resting in my bed at the end of it, having survived the day without going absolutely nuts in the process.
Sometimes that's the best win you're going to get. So I am accepting it with as much aplomb as I currently can and going to sleep hoping that tomorrow is different.
And if not, well. I guess I'll survive it, too.
